Yes writing this all out helped me to see the truth. What he really wanted out of me. I guess I just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and wanted to believe that there really is a guy out there who could just be interested in me, for me and just me, and the warm hole between my legs.
I'm sure he's out there somewhere, but honestly I have yet to meet him. Not one single guy that I have tried to get to know, hasn't made the attempt. I don't get it. I'm not saying guys are trying to get with me all the time. But to just have a friend. Even the one's that I call my friends now have gone there. I gues I just choose to let it go for the sake of our friendships which I hold more valuable than a single transgression.
But it really sucks. I mean it really does.
I'm getting older now I you'd think I've come to understand these things. And you'd think the guys would change. But they don't. It's still the SSDD. :-(
At the same time, though. I continue to give in. Even in though in the back of my mind I tell myself, I know this isn't going anywhere. And I can't say I want it just as much as they do because honestly, sex, the act itself, has never been that enjoyable for me. But still.
I feel like a 16 year old girl at times. I will just have to learn to be strong. To see through the crap and see the person for who he really is and what he really wants. Thats what I will do. I take it as a lesson learned.
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