Well this preparatory program has finally come to an end. In hindsight it seemed to go by so fast. But I’m glad that it did. Everything seemed to work out so wrong but so horribly well at the same time.
For example, I never got a private loan to pay for the program but the school still let me continue and has now set up a payment plan with me. So that meant I got what was most important, I got to finish the program and prove to the school that I am ready for medical school. But at the same time I still was able to scrape up enough money thanks to family my dad and income tax returns to pay my rent each month. However, I could not use my car or spend tons of money on extraneous unnecessary things, which is still a good thing because they probably would have been nothing more than a distraction. God works in mysterious ways yes he does.
I’ve done pretty well in school now that I’ve actually learned to put in some effort. It has inspired me to really try to excel. Even if my grades don’t show it, that doesn’t matter anymore. What is important is that I learn everything I can to be the best doctor I can be.
And that is another question which is worrying me now. I know I want to be a good doctor but what specialty. I am really leaning towards family medicine right now. At first it was just because I shadowed such a great doctor who happened to do family medicine and I like what he did. Now I’m thinking family medicine because I feel I could make the greatest difference in every patients life, in the medical community, in society, and maybe even one day in the politics of healthcare. I mean why is the US one of the very few industrialized countries that does not guarantee healthcare to all of it’s citizens. Why is medical training and care centered around “fixing” problems rather than preventing them. I want to be a preventer more than a fixer.
At the same time though, there is the lifestyle factor. And it’s not that doctors with specialties aren’t needed. Some things can’t be prevented and even if they can that doesn’t mean we should let those people die or suffer because of it. So if I were to do something more specialized like anesthesiology or radiology as I have been considering, I think I would still be making a difference obviously but I think what draws me to those specialties at this point is thoughts of money. Which is also important. I want to be able to provide for my family and there is nothing wrong with that. So I don’t know. I guess I will just have to wait and see. Hopefully during rotations I will become enlightened.
Sigh,
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thoughts for the Day
As I was sitting here studying my physiology I came to the realization that so many processes in our body depend on processes that go against nature. And that made me think, what is nature.
My own personal definition of nature is how the world would be if left to its own devices without any restraint or intervention.
Disorder is thus the natural order of things.
Then that made me laugh and think of how my mother always prefered for me to wear my hair permed or straight. And I would respond to her by saying its not natural for me to wear my hair permed. And she says neither is taking a piss in a toilet. And she is so right. I mean we as humans do sooo many things that are not "natural".
But isn't that good thing? Isn't that what makes us better than mere animals? Maybe. But then I thought that isn't what makes us human the fact that we can think for ourselves.
I mean most of the rules of society (mainly social rules, not laws) are just made up for whatever reasons. And that's what I need to think about before I decide to conform, what is the purpose of this rule. Most things I do in my daily life are to avoid riducule and rejection. But obviously that is not important.
Rules of society to conform or not to conconform?
Fuck assimilation.
Who has got it right?
Aren't we all lost chickens with running around with our heads cut off?
Why should I follow another blind person?
Logic is just assumptions made by man to explain things we can't.
Some things you know, other things you believe. And there is nothing wrong with believing you just have to know what you truley believe.
And finally who the hell killed Jenny Schecter?
My own personal definition of nature is how the world would be if left to its own devices without any restraint or intervention.
Disorder is thus the natural order of things.
Then that made me laugh and think of how my mother always prefered for me to wear my hair permed or straight. And I would respond to her by saying its not natural for me to wear my hair permed. And she says neither is taking a piss in a toilet. And she is so right. I mean we as humans do sooo many things that are not "natural".
But isn't that good thing? Isn't that what makes us better than mere animals? Maybe. But then I thought that isn't what makes us human the fact that we can think for ourselves.
I mean most of the rules of society (mainly social rules, not laws) are just made up for whatever reasons. And that's what I need to think about before I decide to conform, what is the purpose of this rule. Most things I do in my daily life are to avoid riducule and rejection. But obviously that is not important.
Rules of society to conform or not to conconform?
Fuck assimilation.
Who has got it right?
Aren't we all lost chickens with running around with our heads cut off?
Why should I follow another blind person?
Logic is just assumptions made by man to explain things we can't.
Some things you know, other things you believe. And there is nothing wrong with believing you just have to know what you truley believe.
And finally who the hell killed Jenny Schecter?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
It happemed again-I need opinions please
Well it happened again. I was simply trying to have a conversation with my sister about something that happened in class today and she "blew up" on me. Told me that I was ignorant for saying that my teacher did not seem gay. Fortunately we were having this convo online so I was able to save it.
Please if anyone actually does read this I would like your honest opinion. I only have one mind I would like to see how others process this. I know the spelling and grammatical mistakes are numerous but if you can chug your way through this please let me know.
The Chat: (i've highlighted the meat of the converstion in red...but if u want to read the rest it may aslo be insightful)
HER: wow, you sure are blind
ME: oops
ME: ok now what were u saying
HER: she's going to be here
HER: i'm not sure what she'll be talking about
HER: and also she's deaf
HER: soo
HER: hmm
HER: but i guess she'll just talk
ME: maybe sheell be talking about beind deaf
HER: and yeah
ME: thats cool
HER: yeah
ME: u can go see her
ME: and tell her to say hi to bette for me
HER: i think i'll be at a BSU meeting
HER: no
ME: and tell her that she didn't have to do bette like that
HER: on the article they mentioned she was in The L Word
HER: and Law and Order
HER: and some other shows
ME: yea i saw her on lawn ordder
ME: she was plaing a lawyer
ME: but im not sure if she was supposed to be deaf
HER: she's been in a few episode
HER: she was deaf
HER: and she was helping a lady commit suicide
HER: and then in another one she like refused a kidney transplant
ME: omg phsyccho
HER: she wast he same character both times
HER: and she was deaf
ME: well shes pretty cool
ME: u know
ME: like representing for the deaf community
HER: yep
ME: i wonder if she is really good at reading lips
HER: she's great
HER: she must be
HER: you almost forget she's deaf
ME: it was so cute when her and bette got together
ME: yea
HER: sometimes i think Bette is an idiot
HER: she can act kinda dumb
HER: just like her mannerisms and stuff
ME: like what
HER: i dunno
HER: i can't describe it
ME: i dont i like her
ME: sometimes she can be kind of a b*tch
HER: no
ME: but in a good way
HER: i'm not saying i don't like her
HER: she just seems alittle slow sometimes
ME: what?
ME: nah i dont see it
ME: i really don't think u know what u r talking about
ME: maybe ure confused
ME: ill tell who does seem slow
ME: max
ME: and kit sometimes acts like a big grown baby
ME: but slow or dumb
ME: nah don't see it
HER: whateev
ME: she actually really smart, atleast her character is supposed to be
ME: maybe its how she talks, kind of soft sometimes especially when she was talklin to jodie but thats bc she cant hear her any way so
ME: yea
ME: so i dont know
ME: i mean its not like ure an expert on the L Word anyway
ME: OMG
ME: my friend made this pasta stuff it was soooooo freakin good man
ME: shrimp pasta it was spicy and so shrimpy uhg
ME: i just ate the last of it and i wish i had more
HER: YEAH
HER: that's what i meant
HER: her mannerisims
HER: how she talks
HER: aww
HER: you didn't let me taste none
ME: nah
ME: but ill probably make it one day
ME: its so good
ME: if i can
ME: i dont know if it wll taste the same
ME: but ill try my best
ME: got MILK?
ME: i do
ME: AND
ME: oh
ME: theres a roomer going around....which is so lame that my teacher is ga
ME: gay
HER:
HER: why?
HER: was Mr. Ht gay?
ME: i dont see how someone can blatantly spread a rumor as fact
HER: seriously, was he?
ME: I dont know
ME: thats what people said but how would u know
HER: i don't know
ME: Any way
HER: but once some kids asked my laid back english teacher
HER: and she kinda smiled, as was like i don't want to get in to this
ME: the girl was sitting next to us and she told us that two of the TA's were engaged because we saw on his laptop desktop that he head a wedding registry up
ME: Then she was like, oh by the way OUR TEACHER is gay
ME: so later on this other girl asked her how did she know
ME: and she goes its just the word thats going around class
HER: wow
HER: that's messed up
ME: and they saw him at the gym with another guy
ME: Like what the freak
ME: Thats why i hate gossip
ME: he doesnt even seem like he would be gay to me
HER: well that's kind of prejudice
ME: and thats pretty messed up u going around tetlling everyone that and u dont even know it for fact
ME: thats just STUPID
HER: the only thing that makes you gay is being attracted to the same sex
ME: just because u are working out with someone of the same sex means u are gay?
HER: all that other stuff is stereotype
ME: thatsjust dumb people do that all the time, its not prejudice or sterotype its stupid
ME: really think about it
ME: thats the only evidence they have
HER: no
HER: but you said he doesn't seem like the gay type
HER: THAT is prejudiced
HER: what is the gay type?
ME: um he doesnt
HER: hmmm???
ME: he wears a wedding ring
HER: so?
HER: gay people have wedding ceremonies
ME: he doesnt seem gay thats all im saying
HER: what does it mean to see gay?
ME: i mean what did u just say about doctor H
HER: gay is not a personality trait
ME: omg please shut up
HER: it's just attraction/sexual orientation
HER: no
HER: that's kind of messed up
ME: ok goodbye
HER: you're getting mad about spreading rumors
HER: but you're spreading stereotypes
HER: realll cool
ME: how am i spreading a steryotype?
ME: who am i talkling to im just talkling to u
HER: because you said he doesn't seem gay
ME: oh dont go around telling people stuff like this
ME: but ure so quick to try to preach to people all the time
ME: its really annoying
HER: unless you've seen him having sex with women i don't know how you could possibly know
ME: SO WHAT
HER: but you won't admit that it's a sterotype
HER: you're just like ohh whatever
ME: SO WHAT
HER: which means you don't really believe it
HER: and one day you'll say that to someone else
ME: ok right
ME: ure right
HER: and possibly hurt their feelings
ME: he doesnt fit the "steryotype" of a gay man to me
ME: which i didn't say
HER: i've got news for you
HER: a lot of gay people don't
ME: i just said that nothing about it him even hinted to me
HER: just like a lot of blacks don't fit into a steretype
HER: or anyone really
ME: because I ALWAY THOUGHT HE WAS MARRIED TO A WOMAN
ME: thats just what i thought for my own reasons
ME: but hey your right
HER: i know i am
HER: thanks
ME: he could still be gay
ME: and be married
ME: i mean
ME: technically in this world we can never assume anything
ME: OH YEA
ME: i FORGOT tHATS how you think
HER: okay
HER: please explain to me
HER: how someone can SEEM gay
ME: no u tell me
HER: please, please tell me how you identify someone you know no more closely than a teacher as being gay
HER: i can't
HER: i don't think people can seem gay
ME: ok then
HER: they're gay if they're attracted to the same sex
ME: i can't explain it to u at this point in your life if you cant figure that out
HER: no
HER: i'm want to hear you arguments
HER: as to why he doesn't seem gay
ME: i dont have an argument
ME: its just my opinion
HER: please tell what signs you have or have not seen
ME: maybe its not true or it’s fiction
ME: someone to me can "seem" gay but i wont automatically assume they are without knowing it for fact
ME: but that is my way of thinking
HER: how have you formed your opinions?
HER: how does someone seem gay?
ME: u dont have to adopt that for yourself
ME: u can have your own opinions
ME: i wont try to force them on you
ME: if u want to feel that NO one in this world fits any
ME: "steryotypes" as u call them
ME: thats fine u can do that
HER: i'm not saying no one does
HER: but you can't assume someone isn't gay just because they don't
HER: that's dumb
ME: I mean seriously like the guy that dressed like a woman on the L word, I assumed he was gay
ME: i mean to me it didnt matter
ME: if he was or not, just as it usually doesnt
HER: i'm black, i don't fit into a lot of black stereotypes
ME: But then when i found out he wasn't i was like oh ok
ME: thats weird
HER: yet i've been told i don't act black
HER: that's hurtful to me
HER: because i am black, and always will be
HER: it's not about how you act
HER: or anything outside stuff
ME: Well how do i know that he isn't actually a woman who has become a transgendered man
ME: just because he looks like a man and sounds like a man and dresses like a man
ME: i mean how do i know
ME: ?
HER: you don't
ME: i cant really assume that right
ME: ok and what if i did assume that he was a man?
HER: it's best not to assume what you don't know though
ME: what would that mean
HER: it's different if you know the person
ME: no i asked u a questin
HER: you have apersonal relationship with them
HER: you notice he goes to gay bars
HER: or never dates women or anything
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: then maybe you might say he does or doesn't act gay
HER: but just from standing in front of you lecturing?
ME: helloooo
HER: you know NOTHING about him
ME: i asked u a question?
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: then you would be wrong
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: but at least you have more evidence of him being a man
HER: because he looks like a man
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: someone can't LOOK gay
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: but you can look/sound like a man
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: i just answered you
HER: wow...
ME: i said what would it MEAN?
ME: u didnt answer the question
HER: YOOU WOULD BE WRONG
HER: that's all it would mean
HER: damnn
HER: read
HER: with your two eyes
ME: and what would it mean to be wrong
ME: i mean
HER: he would not be a man
ME: what effect would that have?
HER: as you assumed
HER: well if you kept it to yourself nothing
HER: but if you ever mentioned it to him
HER: or someone who knows him
ME: and that would be pretty messed up for me to go around spreading stereotypes that he is a man right?
HER: that might be hurtful
HER: this is different
ME: HA
ME: how is it different?
HER: you have evidence showing he's a man
HER: men aren't stereotypes
HER: tall, larger build, deep voice
HER: that's a man
ME: what is a stereotype then?
HER: different facial features
HER: no breasts
HER: things like
HER: for example
HER: black stereotypes: loud, criminal, uneducated, promiscuous, bad family structure, poor language, etc.
ME: ok so negative things?
HER: gay men: effeminate, promicuous, lisps, etc.
ME: ok and u know for a fact those are the things I used to come to the conclusion that he was not gay?
HER: many stereotypes are negative
HER: i don't
HER: that's why i asked you to tell me
HER: but somehow you regfuuuuuse
HER: and i think i know why
HER: duh
HER: so don't efven try that
ME: and because of the fact that i did not use those that in a way is me spreading those stereotypes
HER: i asked you
HER: i gaveyou a chance to prove youweren't usingstereotype
HER: t
HER: s
HER: that somehow you had factual evidence
HER: but NOPE
HER: you didn't want to tell me
ME: well here
ME: her
ME: here
ME: here's the thing
HER: tell what you were using
ME: if he was up there walking with a switching and talking with a lisp
HER: what criteria
HER: please tell me
HER: i answered your question
HER: why won't you answer mine?
ME: i proabably still wouldnt assume he's gay because some people are just like that
HER: please answer my question
ME: THe faCT THAT I HAD THIS IDEA IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD THAT HE WAS MARRIED?? and the fact that i assume most people pretty much fall in the status quo unless i know other wise, and the fact that i had never really thought about whether he was gay or not
ME: to me...for that reason i just never though he was gay or he didnt "seem" gay to me
HER: so because i don't think about someone being smart, it's okay for me to say they SEEM smart
HER: people someone has failed a class, it's okay to say they don't SEEM smart
ME: if he did have those stereotypes as u say of walking a certain way talking with a lisp, then the possibility that he might be gay would have crossed my mind but i still wouldn’t assume that he was
ME: if u think that is a "wrong" way of thinking so be it
HER: because someone hangs about with a bunch of slackers, and probably "fits into the status quo" it's okay for me to say they don't SEEM smart
HER: that makes no sense
ME: that is YOUR opinion and u are entitled to it
ME: well im sorry my thought process makes no sense to u
ME: but u do it all the time
HER: it's also my opinion that it's not okay to make assumptions about someone's personal life based on very limited observations
HER: gay isn't a skin color
ME: i don’t understand why u are getting so upset with me for doing the same thing that u do?
HER: it's not a personality
HER: it's what goes on in someone's personal life
HER: you cannot SEEM gay
HER: i'm not upset
HER: don't assume i am
ME: oh ok
HER: i'm just giving you my opinion
ME: well why are u so adimant about convincing me that i am wrong and u are right?
HER: because i feel what you're saying is really ignorant
HER: and i don't want you to be ignorant
HER: i'm try to make you realize what you said was very messed up
ME: and why do u feel that u know what is ignorant and i do not?
HER: " resulting from or showing lack of knowledge or intelligence"
HER: that is ignorance
ME: and why do u feel that i lack intelligence?
HER: i want you to KNOW that someone can't SEEM gay
HER: that's all
HER: because you stated he didn't seem gay
ME: well i would say that yes they can
HER: implying someone can seem gay
HER: well hi there
HER: you seem black
HER: that makes no sense
HER: well hi there
HER: you seem female
ME: well i dont agree with you
ME: sorry
HER: well hi there, you seem like a doctor
ME: if u feel that makes me ignorant
ME: well hey i guess now i know your opinion of me
ME: thanks
HER: the statement was ignorant
HER: and since you aren't retracting it
ME: no i'm not
HER: you are ignorant on that specific topic
ME: BUT THE FUNNY THING IS THAT YOU DO THE SAME THING
HER: i'm not saying everything you say/do is ignorant
HER: but that is
ME: but for some reason when it comes to these things especially the gay thing u are very touchy about it
HER: never said i didn't
ME: why?
ME: i dont know
ME: i mean maybe because u think i think gay people are bad?
ME: or soemthing
HER: and i would accept criticism without getting defensive or upset or trying to make it about the other person
ME: and im going to go out and spit on them and call them mean names/
ME: i dont know
ME: i'm not getting defensive
ME: i was just explaining to you my train of thought to make u understand it
HER: i understand it
ME: i understand what u are saying but i dont agree
HER: and i think it's wrong
HER: you think it's right
ME: ok thats fine
ME: i said that
HER: so maybe we should let it fo
HER: go*
ME: and u think that i made and ignorant statement
HER: because this isn't getting us anywhere
ME: and u dont want me to be ignorant
ME: which to me is insulting but hey....that’s your opinion ill just keep that in mind when i speak to you from now on
HER: alllrighty
HER: go right ahead
ME: alrighty
ME: end of discussion?
HER: yep
Well apparently for me to say that some one can seem like something is wrong. Especially gay. Is this true? What do I honestly think? Anyone can be anything. The most macho guy in the world, going around spewing how he hates gay people could be gay himself. And a man who has extremely effeminate characteristics or even likes to dress like a woman at times could be straight. To me gay or straight or even bisexual is defined only by who you have an attraction for sexually. So even a man that has had sex with a woman on several occasions could be gay.
Though when I say that some one doesn't seem a certain way that doesn't mean that I think that all people who are gay will or will not fall into a certain category characteristics or "stereotypes". If i did happen to see a man who is dressing like a female, walking and talking with more effeminate characteristics it might and most likely would cross my mind that he is or could be gay. If I have a professor who i assumed was married for whatever reason, (I can't even remember why) and just acts like an average guy fairly masculine I would say that he doesn't seem gay to me. Or maybe the word "seem" is the problem. Maybe I should have said It never crossed my mind that he was or was not gay.
Please if anyone actually does read this I would like your honest opinion. I only have one mind I would like to see how others process this. I know the spelling and grammatical mistakes are numerous but if you can chug your way through this please let me know.
The Chat: (i've highlighted the meat of the converstion in red...but if u want to read the rest it may aslo be insightful)
HER: wow, you sure are blind
ME: oops
ME: ok now what were u saying
HER: she's going to be here
HER: i'm not sure what she'll be talking about
HER: and also she's deaf
HER: soo
HER: hmm
HER: but i guess she'll just talk
ME: maybe sheell be talking about beind deaf
HER: and yeah
ME: thats cool
HER: yeah
ME: u can go see her
ME: and tell her to say hi to bette for me
HER: i think i'll be at a BSU meeting
HER: no
ME: and tell her that she didn't have to do bette like that
HER: on the article they mentioned she was in The L Word
HER: and Law and Order
HER: and some other shows
ME: yea i saw her on lawn ordder
ME: she was plaing a lawyer
ME: but im not sure if she was supposed to be deaf
HER: she's been in a few episode
HER: she was deaf
HER: and she was helping a lady commit suicide
HER: and then in another one she like refused a kidney transplant
ME: omg phsyccho
HER: she wast he same character both times
HER: and she was deaf
ME: well shes pretty cool
ME: u know
ME: like representing for the deaf community
HER: yep
ME: i wonder if she is really good at reading lips
HER: she's great
HER: she must be
HER: you almost forget she's deaf
ME: it was so cute when her and bette got together
ME: yea
HER: sometimes i think Bette is an idiot
HER: she can act kinda dumb
HER: just like her mannerisms and stuff
ME: like what
HER: i dunno
HER: i can't describe it
ME: i dont i like her
ME: sometimes she can be kind of a b*tch
HER: no
ME: but in a good way
HER: i'm not saying i don't like her
HER: she just seems alittle slow sometimes
ME: what?
ME: nah i dont see it
ME: i really don't think u know what u r talking about
ME: maybe ure confused
ME: ill tell who does seem slow
ME: max
ME: and kit sometimes acts like a big grown baby
ME: but slow or dumb
ME: nah don't see it
HER: whateev
ME: she actually really smart, atleast her character is supposed to be
ME: maybe its how she talks, kind of soft sometimes especially when she was talklin to jodie but thats bc she cant hear her any way so
ME: yea
ME: so i dont know
ME: i mean its not like ure an expert on the L Word anyway
ME: OMG
ME: my friend made this pasta stuff it was soooooo freakin good man
ME: shrimp pasta it was spicy and so shrimpy uhg
ME: i just ate the last of it and i wish i had more
HER: YEAH
HER: that's what i meant
HER: her mannerisims
HER: how she talks
HER: aww
HER: you didn't let me taste none
ME: nah
ME: but ill probably make it one day
ME: its so good
ME: if i can
ME: i dont know if it wll taste the same
ME: but ill try my best
ME: got MILK?
ME: i do
ME: AND
ME: oh
ME: theres a roomer going around....which is so lame that my teacher is ga
ME: gay
HER:
HER: why?
HER: was Mr. Ht gay?
ME: i dont see how someone can blatantly spread a rumor as fact
HER: seriously, was he?
ME: I dont know
ME: thats what people said but how would u know
HER: i don't know
ME: Any way
HER: but once some kids asked my laid back english teacher
HER: and she kinda smiled, as was like i don't want to get in to this
ME: the girl was sitting next to us and she told us that two of the TA's were engaged because we saw on his laptop desktop that he head a wedding registry up
ME: Then she was like, oh by the way OUR TEACHER is gay
ME: so later on this other girl asked her how did she know
ME: and she goes its just the word thats going around class
HER: wow
HER: that's messed up
ME: and they saw him at the gym with another guy
ME: Like what the freak
ME: Thats why i hate gossip
ME: he doesnt even seem like he would be gay to me
HER: well that's kind of prejudice
ME: and thats pretty messed up u going around tetlling everyone that and u dont even know it for fact
ME: thats just STUPID
HER: the only thing that makes you gay is being attracted to the same sex
ME: just because u are working out with someone of the same sex means u are gay?
HER: all that other stuff is stereotype
ME: thatsjust dumb people do that all the time, its not prejudice or sterotype its stupid
ME: really think about it
ME: thats the only evidence they have
HER: no
HER: but you said he doesn't seem like the gay type
HER: THAT is prejudiced
HER: what is the gay type?
ME: um he doesnt
HER: hmmm???
ME: he wears a wedding ring
HER: so?
HER: gay people have wedding ceremonies
ME: he doesnt seem gay thats all im saying
HER: what does it mean to see gay?
ME: i mean what did u just say about doctor H
HER: gay is not a personality trait
ME: omg please shut up
HER: it's just attraction/sexual orientation
HER: no
HER: that's kind of messed up
ME: ok goodbye
HER: you're getting mad about spreading rumors
HER: but you're spreading stereotypes
HER: realll cool
ME: how am i spreading a steryotype?
ME: who am i talkling to im just talkling to u
HER: because you said he doesn't seem gay
ME: oh dont go around telling people stuff like this
ME: but ure so quick to try to preach to people all the time
ME: its really annoying
HER: unless you've seen him having sex with women i don't know how you could possibly know
ME: SO WHAT
HER: but you won't admit that it's a sterotype
HER: you're just like ohh whatever
ME: SO WHAT
HER: which means you don't really believe it
HER: and one day you'll say that to someone else
ME: ok right
ME: ure right
HER: and possibly hurt their feelings
ME: he doesnt fit the "steryotype" of a gay man to me
ME: which i didn't say
HER: i've got news for you
HER: a lot of gay people don't
ME: i just said that nothing about it him even hinted to me
HER: just like a lot of blacks don't fit into a steretype
HER: or anyone really
ME: because I ALWAY THOUGHT HE WAS MARRIED TO A WOMAN
ME: thats just what i thought for my own reasons
ME: but hey your right
HER: i know i am
HER: thanks
ME: he could still be gay
ME: and be married
ME: i mean
ME: technically in this world we can never assume anything
ME: OH YEA
ME: i FORGOT tHATS how you think
HER: okay
HER: please explain to me
HER: how someone can SEEM gay
ME: no u tell me
HER: please, please tell me how you identify someone you know no more closely than a teacher as being gay
HER: i can't
HER: i don't think people can seem gay
ME: ok then
HER: they're gay if they're attracted to the same sex
ME: i can't explain it to u at this point in your life if you cant figure that out
HER: no
HER: i'm want to hear you arguments
HER: as to why he doesn't seem gay
ME: i dont have an argument
ME: its just my opinion
HER: please tell what signs you have or have not seen
ME: maybe its not true or it’s fiction
ME: someone to me can "seem" gay but i wont automatically assume they are without knowing it for fact
ME: but that is my way of thinking
HER: how have you formed your opinions?
HER: how does someone seem gay?
ME: u dont have to adopt that for yourself
ME: u can have your own opinions
ME: i wont try to force them on you
ME: if u want to feel that NO one in this world fits any
ME: "steryotypes" as u call them
ME: thats fine u can do that
HER: i'm not saying no one does
HER: but you can't assume someone isn't gay just because they don't
HER: that's dumb
ME: I mean seriously like the guy that dressed like a woman on the L word, I assumed he was gay
ME: i mean to me it didnt matter
ME: if he was or not, just as it usually doesnt
HER: i'm black, i don't fit into a lot of black stereotypes
ME: But then when i found out he wasn't i was like oh ok
ME: thats weird
HER: yet i've been told i don't act black
HER: that's hurtful to me
HER: because i am black, and always will be
HER: it's not about how you act
HER: or anything outside stuff
ME: Well how do i know that he isn't actually a woman who has become a transgendered man
ME: just because he looks like a man and sounds like a man and dresses like a man
ME: i mean how do i know
ME: ?
HER: you don't
ME: i cant really assume that right
ME: ok and what if i did assume that he was a man?
HER: it's best not to assume what you don't know though
ME: what would that mean
HER: it's different if you know the person
ME: no i asked u a questin
HER: you have apersonal relationship with them
HER: you notice he goes to gay bars
HER: or never dates women or anything
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: then maybe you might say he does or doesn't act gay
HER: but just from standing in front of you lecturing?
ME: helloooo
HER: you know NOTHING about him
ME: i asked u a question?
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: then you would be wrong
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: but at least you have more evidence of him being a man
HER: because he looks like a man
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: someone can't LOOK gay
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: but you can look/sound like a man
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
ME: what would that mean if i assumed that he was a man and i dont know for sure if he is or not?
HER: i just answered you
HER: wow...
ME: i said what would it MEAN?
ME: u didnt answer the question
HER: YOOU WOULD BE WRONG
HER: that's all it would mean
HER: damnn
HER: read
HER: with your two eyes
ME: and what would it mean to be wrong
ME: i mean
HER: he would not be a man
ME: what effect would that have?
HER: as you assumed
HER: well if you kept it to yourself nothing
HER: but if you ever mentioned it to him
HER: or someone who knows him
ME: and that would be pretty messed up for me to go around spreading stereotypes that he is a man right?
HER: that might be hurtful
HER: this is different
ME: HA
ME: how is it different?
HER: you have evidence showing he's a man
HER: men aren't stereotypes
HER: tall, larger build, deep voice
HER: that's a man
ME: what is a stereotype then?
HER: different facial features
HER: no breasts
HER: things like
HER: for example
HER: black stereotypes: loud, criminal, uneducated, promiscuous, bad family structure, poor language, etc.
ME: ok so negative things?
HER: gay men: effeminate, promicuous, lisps, etc.
ME: ok and u know for a fact those are the things I used to come to the conclusion that he was not gay?
HER: many stereotypes are negative
HER: i don't
HER: that's why i asked you to tell me
HER: but somehow you regfuuuuuse
HER: and i think i know why
HER: duh
HER: so don't efven try that
ME: and because of the fact that i did not use those that in a way is me spreading those stereotypes
HER: i asked you
HER: i gaveyou a chance to prove youweren't usingstereotype
HER: t
HER: s
HER: that somehow you had factual evidence
HER: but NOPE
HER: you didn't want to tell me
ME: well here
ME: her
ME: here
ME: here's the thing
HER: tell what you were using
ME: if he was up there walking with a switching and talking with a lisp
HER: what criteria
HER: please tell me
HER: i answered your question
HER: why won't you answer mine?
ME: i proabably still wouldnt assume he's gay because some people are just like that
HER: please answer my question
ME: THe faCT THAT I HAD THIS IDEA IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD THAT HE WAS MARRIED?? and the fact that i assume most people pretty much fall in the status quo unless i know other wise, and the fact that i had never really thought about whether he was gay or not
ME: to me...for that reason i just never though he was gay or he didnt "seem" gay to me
HER: so because i don't think about someone being smart, it's okay for me to say they SEEM smart
HER: people someone has failed a class, it's okay to say they don't SEEM smart
ME: if he did have those stereotypes as u say of walking a certain way talking with a lisp, then the possibility that he might be gay would have crossed my mind but i still wouldn’t assume that he was
ME: if u think that is a "wrong" way of thinking so be it
HER: because someone hangs about with a bunch of slackers, and probably "fits into the status quo" it's okay for me to say they don't SEEM smart
HER: that makes no sense
ME: that is YOUR opinion and u are entitled to it
ME: well im sorry my thought process makes no sense to u
ME: but u do it all the time
HER: it's also my opinion that it's not okay to make assumptions about someone's personal life based on very limited observations
HER: gay isn't a skin color
ME: i don’t understand why u are getting so upset with me for doing the same thing that u do?
HER: it's not a personality
HER: it's what goes on in someone's personal life
HER: you cannot SEEM gay
HER: i'm not upset
HER: don't assume i am
ME: oh ok
HER: i'm just giving you my opinion
ME: well why are u so adimant about convincing me that i am wrong and u are right?
HER: because i feel what you're saying is really ignorant
HER: and i don't want you to be ignorant
HER: i'm try to make you realize what you said was very messed up
ME: and why do u feel that u know what is ignorant and i do not?
HER: " resulting from or showing lack of knowledge or intelligence"
HER: that is ignorance
ME: and why do u feel that i lack intelligence?
HER: i want you to KNOW that someone can't SEEM gay
HER: that's all
HER: because you stated he didn't seem gay
ME: well i would say that yes they can
HER: implying someone can seem gay
HER: well hi there
HER: you seem black
HER: that makes no sense
HER: well hi there
HER: you seem female
ME: well i dont agree with you
ME: sorry
HER: well hi there, you seem like a doctor
ME: if u feel that makes me ignorant
ME: well hey i guess now i know your opinion of me
ME: thanks
HER: the statement was ignorant
HER: and since you aren't retracting it
ME: no i'm not
HER: you are ignorant on that specific topic
ME: BUT THE FUNNY THING IS THAT YOU DO THE SAME THING
HER: i'm not saying everything you say/do is ignorant
HER: but that is
ME: but for some reason when it comes to these things especially the gay thing u are very touchy about it
HER: never said i didn't
ME: why?
ME: i dont know
ME: i mean maybe because u think i think gay people are bad?
ME: or soemthing
HER: and i would accept criticism without getting defensive or upset or trying to make it about the other person
ME: and im going to go out and spit on them and call them mean names/
ME: i dont know
ME: i'm not getting defensive
ME: i was just explaining to you my train of thought to make u understand it
HER: i understand it
ME: i understand what u are saying but i dont agree
HER: and i think it's wrong
HER: you think it's right
ME: ok thats fine
ME: i said that
HER: so maybe we should let it fo
HER: go*
ME: and u think that i made and ignorant statement
HER: because this isn't getting us anywhere
ME: and u dont want me to be ignorant
ME: which to me is insulting but hey....that’s your opinion ill just keep that in mind when i speak to you from now on
HER: alllrighty
HER: go right ahead
ME: alrighty
ME: end of discussion?
HER: yep
Well apparently for me to say that some one can seem like something is wrong. Especially gay. Is this true? What do I honestly think? Anyone can be anything. The most macho guy in the world, going around spewing how he hates gay people could be gay himself. And a man who has extremely effeminate characteristics or even likes to dress like a woman at times could be straight. To me gay or straight or even bisexual is defined only by who you have an attraction for sexually. So even a man that has had sex with a woman on several occasions could be gay.
Though when I say that some one doesn't seem a certain way that doesn't mean that I think that all people who are gay will or will not fall into a certain category characteristics or "stereotypes". If i did happen to see a man who is dressing like a female, walking and talking with more effeminate characteristics it might and most likely would cross my mind that he is or could be gay. If I have a professor who i assumed was married for whatever reason, (I can't even remember why) and just acts like an average guy fairly masculine I would say that he doesn't seem gay to me. Or maybe the word "seem" is the problem. Maybe I should have said It never crossed my mind that he was or was not gay.
Either way the point to me is that IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER. Which is the thing my sister doesn't seem to get. She is so worried about what other people think. First of all I wouldn't go around sharing these thoughts that I may or may not have with anyone unless they were a friend in confidence. And in that case it really doesn't matter. As I thought my sister was my friend who I could share things with in confidance , but her problem is that she is too judgemental and its starting to get on my nerves. I can't say anything thing to her without her analyzing it and then grilling the hell out of me about it if she finds it "wrong". Well that to me is not a good characteristic to have or at least to use on other people who are supposed to be a friend. I have no problem with her sharing her opinion with me about it, but then insulting me on my opinions or constantly trying to get me to think the way that she does adimant that I am wrong... It gives her the appearance of being arrogant, and it obnoxious.
And I know that she feels this way about other people...she stereotypes them herself all the time. Her classmates and such. She feels that she is better than them for whatever reasons...and most people are not worthy of her. She has said this to me jokingly but I always say 80% of a joke is some kind of truth.
I think at times in your life you will have to form assumptions about people. I mean you HAVE to. And especially me as a doctor I will have to learn to use this skill very well. The thing is to know that assumptions are not fact. You can never really know something about someone until you know it. And even then everything can't be trusted but unfortunately because we are not psychic beings so that's the way it has to be.
I really don't know what my sister's problem is. She says I may end up hurting someone. I don't really see how that could happen, if someone lets the fact that someone thinks they are gay or not gay hurt their feelings...well that says something about that person and maybe not so much about the person who thought it. People have many different reasons for thinking the way that they do. The problem is when we let stereotypes determine how we will treat another person especially if it is in a negative way. For example police officers harassing a black man driving through a white neighborhood for the mere fact that he is black and NOT because he was nescesarrily breaking a law.
I will not pretend to be well informed on everything so if I say something that is wrong does that make me ignorant? No I think that makes me human.
Now on the gay thing, my honest opinion of it, due to my religious and scientific beliefs I think it is wrong. Growing up I learned that adultury is a sin, and I really am not even sure if homosexuality is a sin, but since two people of the same sex can't be mariried sexual relations between to people of the same sex would be a sin. Now if the two were married legally, since the Bible says that we should follow the laws of the land as long as they don't break the laws of God then...I don't know. Scientifically since two people of the same sex can't procreate and thats what sex is for then it doesn't seem to make much sense in terms of evolution. But I also think that there may be genetic traits that would cause someone to be attracted to a person of the same sex. So me I don't think its right but it doesn't bother me. If someone is gay or wants to be gay that's their business I don't care.
If I were to think, what if it turned out my child was gay (because even a family member well hmm i don't know if i would care so much) I would have to say that I am worried about the fate of their soul...heaven or hell. I think that if it is a sin then it is just a sin like any other. And hopefully if I had raised them to know that living in sin is not the best thing then that would affect their choices.
Me for example...I have stated in my other blogs that I have had strange feelings...maybe attractions to other females but I have never acted on it. Why? I don't know. There are alot of things I "feel" like doing but I don't do. I'm a "civilized" creature. But at the same time I give in and do other things that I know are wrong. I'm human.
So now that I have blown off my own steam...I feel that I don't really know what's going through my sister's head. And I don't really care anymore. It's just not really fun to be attacked when u just want to have a light enjoyable conversation with someone. And since I know she has this characteristic I will just have to remember that when I speak to her in the future. (If i Ever Do) But seriously .... I think I'm getting over the right and wrong thing. People have their own OPINIONS. Thats the way it is. I don't feel that it's my or anyone's job to go around telling people how they should think if they are not harming themselves or anyone else then...hey.
People who have negative opinions about gay people are going to have them for whatever reason, whether they say it out loud or not. And it probably has nothing to do with them believing a gay person talks or walks a certain way. It's usually much deeper than that.
I think at times in your life you will have to form assumptions about people. I mean you HAVE to. And especially me as a doctor I will have to learn to use this skill very well. The thing is to know that assumptions are not fact. You can never really know something about someone until you know it. And even then everything can't be trusted but unfortunately because we are not psychic beings so that's the way it has to be.
I really don't know what my sister's problem is. She says I may end up hurting someone. I don't really see how that could happen, if someone lets the fact that someone thinks they are gay or not gay hurt their feelings...well that says something about that person and maybe not so much about the person who thought it. People have many different reasons for thinking the way that they do. The problem is when we let stereotypes determine how we will treat another person especially if it is in a negative way. For example police officers harassing a black man driving through a white neighborhood for the mere fact that he is black and NOT because he was nescesarrily breaking a law.
I will not pretend to be well informed on everything so if I say something that is wrong does that make me ignorant? No I think that makes me human.
Now on the gay thing, my honest opinion of it, due to my religious and scientific beliefs I think it is wrong. Growing up I learned that adultury is a sin, and I really am not even sure if homosexuality is a sin, but since two people of the same sex can't be mariried sexual relations between to people of the same sex would be a sin. Now if the two were married legally, since the Bible says that we should follow the laws of the land as long as they don't break the laws of God then...I don't know. Scientifically since two people of the same sex can't procreate and thats what sex is for then it doesn't seem to make much sense in terms of evolution. But I also think that there may be genetic traits that would cause someone to be attracted to a person of the same sex. So me I don't think its right but it doesn't bother me. If someone is gay or wants to be gay that's their business I don't care.
If I were to think, what if it turned out my child was gay (because even a family member well hmm i don't know if i would care so much) I would have to say that I am worried about the fate of their soul...heaven or hell. I think that if it is a sin then it is just a sin like any other. And hopefully if I had raised them to know that living in sin is not the best thing then that would affect their choices.
Me for example...I have stated in my other blogs that I have had strange feelings...maybe attractions to other females but I have never acted on it. Why? I don't know. There are alot of things I "feel" like doing but I don't do. I'm a "civilized" creature. But at the same time I give in and do other things that I know are wrong. I'm human.
So now that I have blown off my own steam...I feel that I don't really know what's going through my sister's head. And I don't really care anymore. It's just not really fun to be attacked when u just want to have a light enjoyable conversation with someone. And since I know she has this characteristic I will just have to remember that when I speak to her in the future. (If i Ever Do) But seriously .... I think I'm getting over the right and wrong thing. People have their own OPINIONS. Thats the way it is. I don't feel that it's my or anyone's job to go around telling people how they should think if they are not harming themselves or anyone else then...hey.
People who have negative opinions about gay people are going to have them for whatever reason, whether they say it out loud or not. And it probably has nothing to do with them believing a gay person talks or walks a certain way. It's usually much deeper than that.
So my new slogan is "I don't care".
But I am intersted in anyone else's opinion. If you care to comment please do. PLEASE.
Thanks
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