Thanksgiving

So Thanksgiving has come and gone and so has my family. They whisked their way down to visit and have a nice little holiday here in the MIA with me. Step dad came all the way from Texas. Retrospectively it seems it was nice having them here for the first day at least, but of course personalities began to clash and I began to miss my alone time. I never realized how much I actually enjoy being alone. I don't like to be this way all the time but most of the time I really don't mind it. Does that make me selfish? Self centered? Antisocial? I don't know. Is this something about myself I should reject or embrace? Or maybe I combination of the two. I really don't know.

All I know is that for most of the time the fam was here in the back of my mind I was secretly wishing they would hurry up and leave so I could have my space and my peace and quiet back again. Maybe that's normal. I tried not to show it but I think my secret wish was so huge that it began to seep through my seams. Sorry guys.

Anywhoo. I am of course in a bit of a predicament having to do with getting a student loan to start this Preporatory program for Ross. While I was in school and after I finished i did not defer my student loans from undergrad. I only made forbarences on some of them after I finished at USF and by then it was too late. I have negative history on my credit report now. So I cannot get a private student loan without a cosigner. And I cannot apply with a cosinger until I have cleared up so delinquent loans from one of my other lenders. It sucks because I planned to be here for a month and then when school started I was supposed to have my loan money and that was at the end of this month. Now rent is due, school is starting in 2 days and I have no money, no loans on the way, and no letter from my lender which was supposed to be putting me into forbarence. I'm screwed unless I can get this loan I am truley screwed. Oh and my phone and light bills are past due.

A lot of this trouble is due to my irresponsibility. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was thinking I would just ignore the creditors and they would go away. I was thinking I would just leave the loans be until I started school again and they would be deferred. Well that thinking was wrong. I ignored my problems and they got worse and came back to bite me in the ass.

Such is life.

But it doesn't have to be that way. I should have made better decisions. My mom says I should have listened to her, but honestly I guess I don't listen unless someone is yelling at me. Just like a little kid huh.

Growing up is starting to become a better and better idea to me.

I'm trying not to get stressed out but in doing that I'm sort of letting things slide down to even worse territory. What can I do at this point. Nothing but pray i suppose and the way I have been behaving lately I'm not sure if God will really want to help me. So maybe I truly am screwed for the first time in my life.